Writing songs again???

A friend of mine recently came up to me and handed me a printout.
"Remember this?", he asked.
"No.", I replied.
"What? You don't remember?? I wrote down the first paragraph and then you said, 'Make it into a lyrics' and wrote other three paragraphs?", he said.
"Hmm... not quiet. Did I write some of it?", I asked back.
"Well, you did."
"So, what about it?", I inquired.
"I was thinking that we make some music out of it."
"Why Now, didn't we write it like... last year. And plus, this thing doesn't even sound standard enough. Even our stupid Analog Systems Prof. can write better (he has very very bad english)"
"Well, I've shown the lyrics to a cousin of mine and she couldn't believe that we wrote it."
"She was expecting something better out of our standard of English"
"No... you idiot!! Do you always have to be so pessimistic??"
"Old Habits die hard no?"
"Well, she likes it very much and she suggested that we work on it."
"But it's just one person."
"No, my one more friend said that it was good."
I thought over for some time, then said, "OK. I'll take this printout and think over it."
"Sure and thanks. I'm counting on you. I'll let you know if I hit on some tune."
"OK."

I come back to my hostel. Make two people read it and I get the same reply from both. "Man this this is too ultimate." Just one guy said that the last para, though good, was confusing him, cause it felt like we shifted from one depressed guy to three... I say, the more the merrier :P

I'm now working to make some tune/instrumentation for it... until then just have the four para lyrics that gave me (and my friend) so many praises. I want some feedback if the reader is kind enough (Please ^^ )

Why can't he get out of this Heaven's shell?
When he wants to get the taste of Hell.
But he doesn't want to get into a duel,
Weak he is, and under God's Spell.

He doesn't see Happiness
He doesn't fell Pain.
He doesn't know the Calmness,
But feels his soul go in vain.

He doesn't feel the Bliss of Gold,
He feels his eyes going sore.
He doesn't feel the kiss of his Departing soul
He can't take it anymore.

Let him go. He needs what he's wanting.
Let him free. He craves for his own haunting.
Let him out, just once.
And he will be feel the birth of a New World.


I still think this is too immature to be worked upon. It's my opinion only... I'm still working on it... it's not easy T__T